I am just throwing it out there coz its killing me to keep this to myself...as I am really not sure wat to do next. Here is the story...my bf whom I had been dating for almost three and a half years proposed last night and I didnt say 'yes' or 'no'. I dont know what to think of it now. Did I scare him off by my non-response? Well, I said..ask me again, later. What was I thinking? GRRR. He said he will ask again, for sure and that he loved me and he went back to his place.

The thing is I always wanted to marry him and we both had started making plans for it, so the proposal didnt come out of the blue..It was expected and he knew that I would say 'yes' too. Still...when the moment came, I think I messed up big time. I know he will ask again and that not my worry, I am just wondering you guys think I let him down. I talked to one of my guy friends and he said that a guy would never want to hear 'ask later' no matter how committed we are. That got me wondering.

He is not a Nepali and its been a big issue for my family and his. They have practically given up and left it up to us to decide where we want to go from here. So we decided we will stick with each other and hope that the family comes around. My family is visiting me right now and had couple of relatives too. My bf was invited over for dinner and things was all well until the details of the wedding came up. He said he will do everything according to Nepali rituals but then the conversation blew out of proportions. No bad words exchanged...but it was very heated, my bf keeping quiet most of the time. After couple of hours of 'go ahead marry him, no dont marry him, he is not a nepali, i hope you are happy, how can you leave us? etc etc' he asked me to step out of the house for a minute. I did...and he got down to one knee and asked me to marry him. I was already in tears for last two hours or so....and I told him that I was just in a state to accept a proposal at this minute. I also said that there is no doubt about me saying a yes, I just thought we could do it when I was in a good emotional state. He agreed and left after saying bye to everyone. Thats the Ramayan version of my life.

So, you think I shouldnt have responded that way? What would it do a guy's ego? Or was the reaction appropriate given the circumstances? I talked to him today and he seemed happy....but guys and their feelings have always been a mystery to me.

Help me clear out my head!!

Bostongirl,
Your mom is here, right?
What does she think about him?

She hates him...she says its not him as a person but the fact that he is not from nepal. Finally she came down to saying 'fine...go marry him if you gonna be happy but we will have to distance ourselves from you' but the minute i said ok...things went downhill...I think she didnt expect me to say ok to such a threat. She invited my bf over couple of time and every time it starts well and ends with my mom saying 'i never thought you could do this to me'...talk about a mother's guilt!!
And she starts accusing everyone around her...things were similar last night when my bf proposed and regardless to say, my head and heart was already crashing at that time. :-(

i concur with Riten. If I were the bostongirl's bf, I wud not ve been expecting such answers from her !!!

bostongirl if you have been dating for almost 4 years now.......you said "almost three and a half years and since he proposed to you last nite you couldn't give direct answer.
if i am not wrong then you don't love HIM cause if you LOVE him you would have said it YES.
btw what's the thing that is hindering you from saying YES .
if you truly love him and wants to spend rest of your remaining LIFE with this guy then religion, race or other issues are not that important.
I donno how this guy must be feeling now but i say DOKA!

Mike how have i change? if it's for good thank you and if it's not for good thank you as well.

Street boi have you found your new friends yet

Think u as if u were dat guy..u were dating a gal for 3.5 yrs and had made plans beyond the 1st night...when u propose her..she dropped "ask me again" bomb...
don't u go nuts...u should be lucky dat guy is not an american..or may be americanized yet...
so my suggestion ...catch him before he catches smdy else.........

ding! ding!! ding!!!


THe answer is your family approval of the guy.

That made you hegitate last night.!

Ok...so I DID mess up. You guys are just confirming my doubts...the whole reason I posted it here to see if I was going nuts or what I did was indeed not appropriate. I do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him...I just cant explain why I couldnt jump up and down and say 'yess!'. Afterall..every girl dreams about this right? Ummmm...to cut the long story short...I had been crying for couple of hours because of wat was going on in my house and this caught me when i was deep down the emotional well.

I hope he asks again soon...or else I will have to ask him and that makes me go nuts!

as long as he is still acting normal and happy i dont' think there is anything to worry about. yeah it might have been a let down but i think your reason for not giving an answer was good enuff for him to accept that.
answering during emotional state would not have been good anyway (as that happens in most cases), so asking him to answer when you are in a different state of mind is good idea. He should have been let down by that reason, if he cares for you.

Girl, if you love him and if you are not cheating him, go for the wedding. But think twice before you jump on conclusion if this person is right for you or no. It seems like you are having tons of confusion. Your parents are odd and your mental state is imbalaced. Try to focus what is best on your life. Think about your career as well, if after getting married, what will happen to it. Does he ever let you grant your freedom? Why is he marrying you? I hope it is not for Green Card. Your parents always can't make decision for you, you are the one who should make decision. If you really really love him, and is dedicated in doing whatsoever for him, then lets the nuptial start, otherwise forget the guy and focus on what is important in your life.

Another relationship problem.....

YAWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

WAIT! i need some caffeine :P


LooTe

I did not understand, why did he propose right after the heated conversation? Was he trying to show off? Bad choice and wrong timing for proposal. I think u did the right think balancing out the situation there. It probably did kick on his ego a bit but hey, If I am in his position, I will understand the pressure upon you at that moment and just let my first effort go without any heartfelt.

Hi Bostongirl,

Follow your instincts. A true love is above all the geographical and social boundaries. Therefore, if you truly love this guy go ahead and hold his hand. Your family and friends will gradually get used to it and accept this union.

You have my blessings....jiti raho!

Simon11

Things had been tensed between my family and me for a long time but became worse since my mom decided to come and change my mind. Parents do have a lot of emotional control over their kids and I think mothers are specially good at putting all the guilt by saying 'how can you do this to me?'

Swatantratagaamy, I thought I cant be crying for the whole evening and then step out for a minute with my bf..and then walk back in with a ring on my finger. But it all happened too fast and my head was all over the place. I think he chose to propose at that time coz he wanted to let me know (despite my mom's accusations) that he had every intention of sticking by my side...through highs and lows...I think he was emotionally charged too, not just me. I am just hoping its gonna happen again, when both of us have positive energy around us and that he didnt take it personally.

ok bostongirl who is that guy? is he an indian or Pakistani or Bangladeshi?
just curious
lol

good luck
:-)

BostonGirl..

Go for it if you think that he is right kinda guy for u..... I think your parents will be angry with u for few months or years. But after it will be just fine.....

too many " pundits" ...gosh that created quite a stir.....never mind the responses...woahhh....!!

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were. :-)
~ Kahlil Gibran

wow! am having a coffee now. feels good! :P

bostongirl,

i have not read all the posts here, but let's get to the gist:

1) it seems that you love your bf and he does love you too. 3.5 years!!!
2) so your mom obviously does not want you to marry with this guy. is it just because he is a non-nepali or there are potentially other reasons as well?

3) if your parents love you, can't they be convinced? i know it is easier said than done, but remember parents almost always will agree to do what their kids feel happy in, albeit they may tend to disagree/retort in the beginning.

4) as for the male ego is concerned, sure he must have been hurt since you ignored his proposal but its not gonna matter a lot if you call him and say- i am sorry, i love u and i hereby accept your proposal!....make sure you want to accept his proposal first!

LooTe
PS. its always better to get married as early as possible once you start dating and you believe that he/she is the right person. the more you procrastinate, the more complex things start to become! :-)

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sorry i screwed up the post! :P

here's my first point again.


1) it seems that you love your bf and he does love you too. 3.5 years!!! hmmm...and it sounds like you are not just another teenybopper so you guys must be serious in your relationship...in a nutshell you guys want to marry..correct? in other words, is theis the person you want to marry with? be honest !


LooTe

Thanks Loote, looks like you are recharged after that cup of coffee. I told him I loved him very much and wanted to marry him before he left...we got back inside the house after that 'proposal' and he was with us for another hour or so...and he looked like a happy man.
My parents say they are saying no because he is not a nepali and that they dont know the guy...I tell them they will know the guy if they talk to him..they refuse to saying 'why should we'? Have tried to convince them for a long time (3 years) and finally decided its better if we get married soon coz they are just gonna say the same thing. And when the time came.....well, i asked him to ask me later..and he said he will. :-(