What do you say to the man who grandly offers to pay rent for having occupied your heart and space in your home? Smile, and walk away; your heart was never to-let!

That was the irony of love!

But what of marriage?

A friend called me because her marriage, unbeknownst to her had fallen apart. Unbeknownst, because she did not know, until she was served divorce papers by the man she cooked for, looked after, slept with and loved... or perhaps, I got the sequence wrong, can't say. The papers came all neatly packaged in a brown envelope and addressed to her. She had married a widower of three children and whose youngest was one year old. Now after 10 years of marriage and another child together, her beloved husband decided the children no longer needed a mother.
What do you say to a man who decides his wife of 10 yrs was only a glorified baby sitter?

I said, drag him through court... for having used all of her services and then more! Atleast, the little one would received what is rightfully hers.

Do pay offs make it better or demean what was to someone, a sacred thread? Do pay offs make it easier to salve one's conscience or instrumental in sustaining the definition of justice?

I suppose the equation of love and marriage changes as the term "mutually beneficial" reaches the tipping point to favor only one party at which point the" favored" realizes he/she nolonger needs the other, hence the payoff.

As Tina Turner sang soulfully, "What's love got to do with it?!"

Just another morbid topic for a dreary spring day!

We are hearing a one-sided story, aren't we?

It is obvious why the man needed another shoe; just because he had lost one.
Why he had to lose the second one? Is it because the second shoe is torn apart?

The chap is obviously having fun. This time he does not have to carry along the fourth child; the mother is still alive.

The first wife shut up for ever, no problem. He could not shut up the second bitch probably, so decided to shut up himself for good and leave...

Sometimes we tend to look for more than there is in the story. Is't it a pity that we can not accept that few things could in fact be in black and white. Or have we become too colorful & knowledgeable to even consider it?

Maybe there is no such thing as straight, clear, 'black & white', maybe.... but can we not even empathize with someone in enormous emotional distress? Perhaps we have become so PRACTICAL that we need to doubt anything and everything. I wonder if it hurts if we give a symbolic hand for the fallen one instead of saying " she fell, cause she walked'.

A point to ponder.

IndisGuise:)

It is quite amazing to see the people here who have labeled the incident posted by Sitara as one-sided, denying to sympathize with the woman, yet have fallen in the same category as others who have sympathized by making assumptions that may be the woman is wrong. If you do not know the incident or do not have much information, and yet you want to be fair without pointing finger at one individual, I am not sure how much of that is being successful when you are trying to point finger at the other individual with the exception that it is just an assumption.
Anyway, from the information given by Sitara, I feel sorry for the lady. And if she was fully used by her husband, then she should definitely taken him to court, and try to strip him off everything he?s got? Nepali ma bhancha ni ?Nanga-Jhar parnu parcha.?

You guys really cracked me up. Feeling sympathetic is a good way to tell that you believe the story. I still fail to be sympathetic, though. Sorry!

It also reminds me of the famous Jackson scandal. When someone posts a story about "she said he said" with an implicit welcome for a spring break, it is very difficult for me to take the full words as a truth. Frankly there are more romanticized stories more appealing there in the USA than this freaking story; if I have some sympathy at all, right now I am outa it. There are moments when I sympathize just because it touches my heart.

When we talk about marriage life, sex life, sex scandal, divorces, I look through them totally differently. Seen them a lot! I've heard literally a hundred of stories similar to one quoted here. In one event, I have been led to believe the combination so much I could have lost a lot; I just some trust, that's it. The mentioned couple still live in the USA, though separate. Together they also have 5 children, though for me it is very difficult to see which is which.

I'd still wait for the boy's story before having antipathy for him. Right now I'd rather make fun of these scandals.

If I got you right, Sitara ji, the husband decided to file for divorce, for whatever reason he had. Well, perhaps the husband didn't get what he wanted in his wife? It doesn't make sense to me that only women should have the right to divorce their spouses. Men have the right too, you know. Of course she has her rights too, nobody's denying that. She will get some $$$ in terms of alimony, but that'll be for the court to decide. He already seems to have three of his own kids. I have a hard time commenting without knowing the nitty-gritty of the situation at hand, to tell you the truth.
If the marriage is crumbling, or one feels like it is, either of the feuding individuals *can* file for divorce. It is an individual's rights. Your knowledge about the divorce is based upon what your friend has told you. Well then, what is the husband's story? Methinks it's more than a tad unfair to the husband without knowing him personally. Perhaps he has his own personal demons to fight? Perhaps the wife was crummy in bed? Only the two know what problems they were being hounded by. So let's be a bit cautious before we pass judgements on the hubby--innocent till proven guilty as they say in the court of love..err law.

This is the thing. If you marry a divorcee, he/she will always try to weigh you with the wife/husband from his/her previous marriage. Guess he felt that the new wife didn't compare to the now-deceased wife from his previous marriage? Hey, I'm just speculating. I just give the husband the benefit of the wife. Me personally, nah, no divorcee or a widow for me. No wife with a child from a previous marriage.

She, as a female, should and must try to squeeze as much $$$ as she can from the husband. That's how things work out in court. We don't even have to think about it, that's what she'll do.

Baru what did you think when there was a 49-year old woman doing catwalk yesterday in the Mrs. world show? HAHAHA ... I laughed so much I almost had a heart attack

Hurray wrote:
"And if she was fully used by her husband, then she should definitely taken him to court, and try to strip him off everything he?s got?"

Hurray, sorry to quote you. I could not understand your full posting, but this quote says, "fully used" and keeps me rolling...

The other side of the story is, another woman is involved. That's all I know.
Regardless of the circumstances, she is entitled to 50% of the property, alimony and child support, at least that's how it's done in US.


I wonder what would happen in Nepal?

While I do not condone infidelity, I feel that he clearly wasn't getting what he wanted from his wife. You need to have the communication rolling if you want the marriage to survive. Of course husband and wife should put everything they got to keep a marriage intact.
My older sister recently had to divorce her husband. It was arranged marriage and the husband was missing a few marbles up there. People divorce for myriad reasons anyway. Happens all the time. She got some good deals out of her divorce, I must say.

It is a very saddening fact that 52% of the marriage fail. Very saddening indeed.
But then, the absolutely devastating fact is that 65% of the second marriage fail.

I wonder what would happen in nepal

My wishful thinking is that in nepal, they'd learn to compromise. Maybe just maybe, the marriage would be for the mutual "family" benefit and the constitution of marriage would not be weighed in Rupees at the court :) [like i said, my WISHFUL thinking]

I don't understand some of the postings above. When I asked Sitara didi what was the husband's side, she wrote another woman was involved. Lemme post it word for word.
Meera says, "Sitara sis, what is the reason for the guy filing for divorce?"
Sitara says, "Meera, good question. Another woman is involved!"

Then we see 20 different ppl wanting to know the other side of the story, how dumb is that!

then someone goes above and says the guy's already a divorcee re, Sitara sis been saying again and again that he is a WIDOW, not a divorcee. There is a difference u know.

For heaven's sake, its not the girl's fault, the guy probably is going through mid life crisis and fell for another chick. The girl should sue for every nick and penny that he has and then also ask for a part of his monthly income.

Was this case in Nepal, the guy would marry another woman without even telling the first one. If the wife was rich and powerful, she would go to the police where the maximm penalty is to put the guy in jail for a month and he walks out scot free. If he files for divorce, she would lose her house, children and the society would instead scorn her. Sounds harsh eh, just saying it the way it is.

Yes meera, u know it all :)

"then someone goes above and says the guy's already a divorcee re, Sitara sis been saying again and again that he is a WIDOW, not a divorcee. There is a difference u know. "

That was a typo, numnuts. The next sentence was:
"Guess he felt that the new wife didn't compare to the now-deceased wife from his previous marriage"

where I clearly demonstrate that I understand what Sitara was saying. Stop nitpicking, diptstick!

It's not dumb to ask for the other side of the story. It's dumb to make a supposition that the husband is guilty by simply basing things on Sitara's post. She's a frigging feminist for crying out loud!
So stop calling other people dumb, else be prepared to get verbally pummeled by me. I don't tolerate ad hominem attacks.

lol what words, cute.

Cute or not, you need to stop busting my balls.

You go Thugged Out................


you said it all............ thanks dude.......... freaking feminist makes my balls swell too.. Plastic ain't like real MEAT...............

Whoa! We are missing a few key in points here?. She is putting herself out enticement to manipulate, retaliate, expose or go into self-pity? Dunn we have any wake to attend to put across our sorrow for her loss?... And we nosy parker started finding his or her side of story.. Ahhhh!.. While she is the one going thru her self-defense, self-promotion n plain old survival of loneliness (like our fellow Nepalese women) n financial loss will start looking good?. For her, Its easier to muse on fear and opinions of people when dissuasion and confusion set in...

I wud say to her?.Stop feeling responsible for everyone's feelings,.. Dunn overcompensate for divorce with destructive self-sacrifice? Walk forward in faith, love n hope?. Kick the spirit of grief shame in the teeth?Sure! .Easy said than done ?. Divorce can lead to many different poignant effects for the one left behind?. She wud be struggling to break her emotional bond to her significant others upon the end of her divorce process (if it happens) every day-in and day-out?.On the positive end, leaving him behind, will provide her with the attempt to break free from that flaky hold and move on risking curiosity, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.. When one person is abusive, jerk, a deadbeat, it is justifiable to end a marriage! When two people fuss n fight or both aren't blissful, a divorce may be the best thing for both?.. The whole ?it? factor for a divorce is clear to both people and have discipline of self respect ! Amen.

So beautiful are Emily Dickinson?s quotes:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or Help one fainting robin
Unto his next again,
I shall not live in vain.

Ashley!

dyamn heheeh sometimes sajha do feel like all rounder ...got visa probelm post it in sajha..... love problem post in sajha ............. need help in gre post in sajha........and so on

can;t go thru all postings in this thread but from what i have learned so far from life always serve first portion of food for youself or else you might have to go bed starving ...

aba sitara behan oh ladki jo hena apun ki behen he to bole sale ke bheje me che ki che dalne ka kya.....apun ka us ma thoda bahut chalta he, jyada nahi apun ka digit malum hena? dial karne ka kya....



dyamn too much coffee today