I dressed up meticulously in a long, white, one-piece gown embroidered with shiny little stars; made my hair carefully; carried a small white purse - I hadn't used for ages, and finally slipped my feet in those high-heeled radiant shoes. I was ready. I could sense the smell of blossoms, I took bath in. With two of my friends, one on either side, I walked through a green, beautiful terrain; happy, smiling and contented. I could see peach trees, kids playing, flowers blooming all over, and a bright sun that smiled along with me. I was into the nature so much, that I didn't realize we were there so soon, to my destination, to the other end of the lane, to a grave that was dug six feet deep.
Formally dressed morticians, a father with his Bible, and a small child dressed up in all white and a black bowtie and black shoes, with daffodils in his hand; all stood gazing at me. I gave a slight smile to all of them. That moment was a long awaited one. Excited ness was killing me already. The small boy gave me that bunch of flowers with a smile on his face. Two of my best friends held my hand tight and asked if I really wanted to do this.
I confidently replied, "Yes, I'm not stubborn, I'm determined. Both of you know that this has been my dream for a long time."
They nodded. I could see those pearls shining in their eyes rambling down their cheeks. I was glad that I had people who cared about me so much, who would find their tears worth me. I gently let my hands go from theirs and turned towards the dark brown colored, casket, a huge one, finely decorated, my home from now on, my coffin. I headed towards it, and lied in it. The priest started to recite his stanzas, and they had the coffin closed. It was dark, no ray of sunlight could enter in, but I could feel the warmth within. It felt more like closing my eyes on a bright sunny day when I'd know that the sun's shining, yet would be dark. I could hear voices of the father and my friends crying, sprinkling water over, and then someone bawling. I felt as if I was lifted up and then lowered down, as deep as could be.
All I was trying to do was to experience the most exciting moment of my entire life. I was tying to notice each and every details of what I heard. Then, I heard something falling upon me, probably the earth. Bit by bit, the sound started to dump up. Slowly voices of the father started to disappear, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't reach upto my friends' cries. The undertakers would stuff up the mud to make it sure that I was well covered. I could still hear the dumping until after sometime they faded away as well.
Euphoria had not left me, when nervousness started tingling me up. After sometime, the air inside turned out to be colder, the only color I could see was 'black', and the only sound I could hear was the ticking of my watch, I had never heard my watch tick so clearly, the music was beautiful. Suddenly I thought, how could I be so optimistic in this stage of life? How could I enjoy the sound of ticking rather being daunted by the thought that the watch was just counting the 'few' breaths I had left? Oh my god! I can't do this to myself, I thought, I have some bright sides of my life, a new hope that everything is good, nice, bright and sunny. I have people who care and want to be cared by me.
Breaths? I remembered the amount of Oxygen remaining in my home. I suddenly realized that taking long breaths, deep ones, as seldom as one can, consumes less oxygen and increases the survival time. I tried talking long, deep breaths, every half a minute. Meanwhile I felt something hard in my purse. It was a lighter! God wants me to live! I took it out and lighted it up. My home was bright again and I felt a bit warmer. But I turned it off at once. Fire:Oxygen, I could sense that. Smartness? It was exacerbating my pain.
I wanted to get out, don't know how, but anyhow, I just wanted to get out of that darkness I had been asking for long. It probably hadn't been twenty minutes, but I was already missing the sun, the warmth, missing the colorful world I used to live in. I tried opening up the cover, but the six feet deep cover was strong enough to be moved by my small hands, I shouted for help but probably kids playing above my grave could not even realize there was somebody inside. I cried, prayed, but nothing happened. Tired, helpless and a bit hypoxic, I started to remember all those moments of my life, from school, to friends, to family, to what each of them meant, sayings, words, days when I lived my life to its fullest. When I had a feeling of doing something, those comments, compliments, mistakes, I had a flashback of everything. I could even remember gaurab telling "Lah, tyo din bachcha-chor le lageko bhaye, ke garne hola? We would have missed such a nice person."
Was it fear, anxiousness, happiness or helplessness, I do not know, but I started smiling, and then laughing, laughing out loud, as loud as I could, as loud as can be! The happiest moment probably!?
