Sound?sound fascinates me. It makes me feel--calm, anxious, worried, and sometimes, crazy. But, never angry.

The first time I noticed sounds around me was when I was a baby in the crib. The leaves of the cherry tree out side my window whispered to me. When I cried to be picked up at night, I heard angry sounds--my parents fighting. The flower vase crashing onto the wall and breaking into pieces that sprayed into my crib. Then, I'd hear my own scream penetrate the night. I'd pause for a moment just to hear the lack of sound which I?d then break with another piercing scream. My parents seldom interrupted their own noise to pick me up. As I exhaust my lungs I'd hear another rhythm rising out of my baby chest. Yes, I listened to the sounds of my own heartbeat that raced through the pitch blackness of my crib. My heartbeats gave me a steady momentum. It was the only thing I could count on among all my erratic movements: chubby, flailing arms that waved like antennas of a sea anemone--arms, which often boxed me with clenched fists. Fat legs that kicked in protest desiring to run away from those angry sounds at night. But, it was the whispers of leaves which wafted into my crib through the open window that lulled me to sleep. Even the humidity of my room did not disturb me as I lay in sweat soaked blankets.

They told my mother that I was different. I was slow, slower than children of my age. I am five years old. The "test lady" told my mother that I was a three-year old inside my five year old body. I know it's not true because I am smarter than my three-year-old baby sister, Maggie. No one knows this. Although, she did show me how to button up my shirt straight up the front of my belly, right up to my throat. I have fat fingers that act like melting butter. I can?t hold pencils, crayons or buttons "correctly". My mother told me I needed to hold tight until I'd get a good "correct" grip. I don?t know what that means.

Color dominates my actions. Red paint, red nail polish, red cloth, red crayons and even red lipstick make me react. My mother smacked me for eating her red and orange lipsticks. My teacher punished me for biting bits off the red crayons she had sorted for the children to draw a sunset with. The "talking lady" told my mother that I was "oral" and that I would outgrow it. But she does not know me. She does not know the power "red" has over me. She has not seen me jab my finger with a paper clip until red oozes out. A slow trickle, first and then a welling of red--bright- ruby- red, pigeon-blood- red as it runs over the dent of the jab. While I watch, the first drop falls in slow motion as it splatters onto the concrete in a perfect circle with jagged edges. Almost like a small setting sun. Through practice I have learned that the angle of my wounded finger makes the splash a circle or even an oval like a rain drop. "Oval" is the shape I learned in school. Oval rain drops, oval tears, and oval blood drops. Then, with a small stick, I trace red shapes and stick figures of my mother, baby Maggie and me. I know I can hold a paper clip correctly when I draw red. But, I don?t draw my father.

...............To be continued

Speaking of Barbies again, has anyone seen the Moslim Barbie (popular in the Middle East) with her own prayer mat? She wears a hijab and an abaya.

sitara di!:O:O
what does hijab and an abaya means?


p.s: meh silent reader hai:)
but strange nii? u write soo umm k bhannu! soo um! bhannu nai ayeena. soo achaamma snagha. ur mind is creative. kudos to u !!

~*ruIna*~

hey ruina sis nirman lai gali garata usko room hernai nahuni cha...too messy.:D--------------->>
maile k gali garnu sis!aile merai room messy cha :Ppahila mero room clean garchu ani gali garchu:D

ruina,

hijab means a veil, or a burka or naquab.

similarly, abaya means a long robe worn by muslim women to cover every part of the body.

hijab and abaya complement each other.

>>>ओहो!! निर्माण जी पनि पुग्नुभो बेल्जियमतिर? सुनाउँदै गरम् है के छ त्यतातिरको हालखवर।
Ke sunaune World_mapji paraya desh ko haalkhabar....hamrai desh ko halkhabar sunna Sajha aayeko..tyo ta kunakapchha tira puugechha...:P...Thikai chha aabo bdess ko khabar sunaunu parla jastochha..:)...aani hajur katatira ho kunni?? EUrop bhane bhane jasto laageko thyo!!!
Nirman~*

jhon da
thank u .. u sooooo chweeet hehe!

anytime ruina....

Nirman ji,
हो म तपाईं बसेको देशको पश्चिमतिरको देशमा छु। चौतारी-२(फोटोक्वीज) भन्ने थ्रेड पढ्नुभयो भने था' पाउनुहुन्छ। तपाइँले भन्नुभएको देशको हालखवर कुनाकाप्चामा लुकाउने काम भने मलाई पनि मन परको छैन।

after a long time..

She was screaming, he was hitting
one set of eyes had fear, the other craze
she watched all this as if from a distant
I hate darkness, nightmares scare me.

Hey Sitara sis, how are you? Me's just been with work. How's school?

Dear Star ji,

Nope we have had no rendezvous yet. Lemme know if you entertain such possibilities in the days to come.

Gumda Gumdai I find myselfl in NOVA. Herndon to be precise.

Cheers!

Uhi Rajeev,
VA Amrika

Sitara is this a paper or something? I wasn't able to read more than the first part which I must say from you is horrible. I am sorry I have read some of your things in the past and this one is by far... the worst (well I haven't read anything recently... ummm the one I like was the some night out with girlfriends or something u wrote). I didn't read the whole thing but from what I gather you are probably trying to write from a kid who is autistic (spare me if I am wrong... in my ignorance I might have got that wrong) ... I bet you know more and all but seriously nothing grabbed me at all whatsoever from the first big paragraph. Well I would love to give a long constructive critism and all but I wish I had the time.

And oh, if this IS a paper... As I exhaut"ed" my lungs I believe (First para 6th or something line). I would hate to see a C- because of a stupid grammatical error!

Hi Ruina, sweety; Thanks for reading. Galt ji; thanks for the "hijab" and "Abaya" explanation.

Hi Meera;
You've captured it in those four lines. Studies studies studies! Schools great! How's yours?

Rauniyar ji;
Someday, hajur.


Wateva;
Thanks for reading!
Not an autistic child. It was a very first draft of something I submitted. Too late, I already got my grades and an invitation work on it toward publication! :)

सिताराका पछिल्लो कथा 'शिखा' र त्यस अघिका एक दुई आख्यानहरुको आधारमा मैले जानी नजानी उनलाई समग्रतामा भन्दा विस्तृतिमा कुशलता देखाउन सक्ने विदुषी भनेर परिचय काटेको थिएँ ।

हेर्नुहोस् मेरो पछिल्लो टिप्पणी:
- http://www.sajha.com/sajha/html/OpenThread.cfm?forum=2&ThreadID=21634#142903

स्निग्ध (smooth) आख्यान, मादक शैली, पात्रहरुसंगको दार्शनिक घनिष्टता र जीवनका शास्वत (eternal) प्रश्नहरुमाथिको कटिवद्ध खोज-भाव सिताराका विशेषता हुन् । वास्तवमा सिताराको श्रेष्ठता कथाको विहङ्गम चित्र (bird's eye view) वा संगठनमा भन्दा तिनको सुक्ष्म परिपाठ (fine detail) मा बेसी झल्किन्छ । काव्यात्मक बहाव, यथास्थान दार्शनिक टिप्पणी र बेजोड प्रत्युत्पन्नमति (wit) ले सितारा आफ्ना पाठकहरुलाई भुतुक्कै पार्छिन् ।

परन्तु, "Sounds" कथा पछि मेरो धारणा बदलिएको छ । कथ्यको समग्रता र कथनको विस्तार दुवैमा गुरुत्व र सिप भएको रचना हो यो । यो कपीलिका दृष्टि (ant's eye view) मा मात्र होईन विहङ्गम दृष्टिमा पनि उत्तिकै जँच्ने रचना हो ।

प्रकाशन सम्मान पाएकोमा थप बधाई ।

Gurl Interrrupted... for some reason that name reminds of Sylvia Plaith (dang spelling)... you know the one who put her head in the oven and died! I wonder why!

Oh goodie Sitara... first draft was a good idea. :) Good thing they have editors before they publish right? Well congrats!

Oh ho! I had forgotten to log into this thread.

Nepe ji, I am learning, I am learning...different writing crafts. But thank you for your endearing comments and for taking the time. You are very meticulous in your observations.

Girlu; I can simply say "Thank You!" for getting into this child's tormented mind during the length of this story. A pleasure to see you again.

Wateva; Thanks! And, if you didn't already know, one usually submits the final edited version to a class/professor/publication and/or formal reading.

Sitz ddz,
I add to the thanks of others for sharing such creativity with us. How could I have forgotten to read the final post of this story astiii nai . Dhut !!

You never fail to outdo yourself with each new post.Keep 'em comin sistah ! ;)

:)

Hey Lady, Thank you! Perhaps, the next piece will be a lighter one.

Sitara,

Just read your piece. I think you should send it to Mcsweeney's. When I was reading it, I was like, why is Sitara not writing for Mcsweeney's.. You should have them review it and work with its editor and get yourself published. Sharing stuff here is good, but you should look at other more "creatively challenging and demanding" options to share your pieces. I am not saying it will be easy, it will be difficult and time consuming, but having seen your stuff and having met you, I know you can do it. :-) Sajha lets you share your stuff but it does not, in my view, provide you with constructive criticism and suggestions to improve your pieces. Its time to go GLOBAL, Sitara ji.

Just a suggestion, anyatha nalinu hola.


"Even editors need editors"- Bill Emmott

Dear IF;
Thank you for your words of encouragement. There have been a few people like yourself who have inspired me to go beyond what I normally do---scribble. I personally thank them. I am taking baby steps toward that goal. Let's see what happens. :)

Hey "Sitara":

Awesome-Awesome-Awesome (AAA)!!!

Go Girl..................!!!

Good to hear that you have already taken steps toward it !!!

HD