I am just throwing it out there coz its killing me to keep this to myself...as I am really not sure wat to do next. Here is the story...my bf whom I had been dating for almost three and a half years proposed last night and I didnt say 'yes' or 'no'. I dont know what to think of it now. Did I scare him off by my non-response? Well, I said..ask me again, later. What was I thinking? GRRR. He said he will ask again, for sure and that he loved me and he went back to his place.

The thing is I always wanted to marry him and we both had started making plans for it, so the proposal didnt come out of the blue..It was expected and he knew that I would say 'yes' too. Still...when the moment came, I think I messed up big time. I know he will ask again and that not my worry, I am just wondering you guys think I let him down. I talked to one of my guy friends and he said that a guy would never want to hear 'ask later' no matter how committed we are. That got me wondering.

He is not a Nepali and its been a big issue for my family and his. They have practically given up and left it up to us to decide where we want to go from here. So we decided we will stick with each other and hope that the family comes around. My family is visiting me right now and had couple of relatives too. My bf was invited over for dinner and things was all well until the details of the wedding came up. He said he will do everything according to Nepali rituals but then the conversation blew out of proportions. No bad words exchanged...but it was very heated, my bf keeping quiet most of the time. After couple of hours of 'go ahead marry him, no dont marry him, he is not a nepali, i hope you are happy, how can you leave us? etc etc' he asked me to step out of the house for a minute. I did...and he got down to one knee and asked me to marry him. I was already in tears for last two hours or so....and I told him that I was just in a state to accept a proposal at this minute. I also said that there is no doubt about me saying a yes, I just thought we could do it when I was in a good emotional state. He agreed and left after saying bye to everyone. Thats the Ramayan version of my life.

So, you think I shouldnt have responded that way? What would it do a guy's ego? Or was the reaction appropriate given the circumstances? I talked to him today and he seemed happy....but guys and their feelings have always been a mystery to me.

Help me clear out my head!!

Love is fun ... .. marriage is whatever.... but if it happens, good luck.

A Nepali girl wouldn't mind marrying any "gora" irrespective of the level of their educational background. They realize the cost of marrying a guy out of their background only when they are kicked out from a relationship after the marriage. I hope that your story will be a different one.
One thing for sure, if you want a stable married life, marry a Nepali guy. There is a thick chance that your life would be happier.

AmriT

Life's a beach and then you marry one... Have fun!

~Bostongirl,

La la bihe ko bhoj maa chaahi bolaau hai. :-)

Bihe chahi SuperBowl ko din garne. Tyo pani Patriots le khelne SuperBowl game ko din ke...!!

I hope everything will be good for you in future. The only thing that matters is if u both love each other or not. Parents will surely accept it. May take some time though.

But make sure you tell this to ur BF before he gets too much frustated. Yaar, GF le answer nadiyeko din jasto jhoor ta aru kunai din hunna....saachi..!!

All the best.

funny story but very emotional. i think u r paused coz of ur family.well dear the thing is how much ur family means to u or do u want to leave him n will it make ur life miserable later.if u think he is right guy then go for it n if things dont work out later there is always divorce.

boston girl,
marry who loves you more than you love him

Boston girl,
...and he got down to one knee and asked me to marry him...
It seems boy loves you too much.

The hisitation is there becuse the guy in not nepali.
Okay think in this way, You are not going to marry that man and else choose some other nepali. Place yourself at this situation and think. I am sure, you will find yourself forlorn and wishes to get him back again.

Stick to ur heart... do as it says... not being able to answer at the moment just shows that u r not ready to commit to him... i would say for the long run, it won't work out .... cuz if it's meant to be, u'll know it in a moment and u won't need to ask suggestion from sajha... i'm not trying to put u down or mock u, just informing u about the feelings and how u can intrepret it... no, i'm not an expert... but neither is anyone in this matter.. so take it for what it's worth.

fking confused prani. do what your heart tells right... not what the ppl around here tell you to do. if i were u, i'd not have shared this shit over here. its your problem and you are the one to solve it. make a fking decision. u r the one to make a decision and u r the one to keep up with it. and if i were the guy, i'd have never asked u again. so luck with that.

Well in the flood of suggestions here is mine, they way I think to the matter (as it becomes a topic for discussion) regardless of what people might suggest you to do; It would be you who had to take the decision, after all it’s your life and you have to live it.
There would be some people for and against no matter what the decision be.
So think & do what you think the best would be and always defend your act no matter what the outcome is in the future.
But, I would like to add one more thing that once you guys get married and may be in some years you’ll be parents. There will be one situation when your child search the separate identity , a group which he she could associate with, to make more I would like to give one example of children from white American and African -American parents once they get old enough they find it hard to associate themselves as the African-American community think that he/she belongs to white community and white American community thinks they belongs to African-American community which might affect the child’s mind in negative way.
But, it also provides the opportunity for new dawn. As the child could learn different cultures from home it helps his/her ability to think in broader perspective it is said that hybrid are always more talented, beautiful and so on.
In concluding remarks I would like to repeat that; it would be you who had to take the decision, after all it’s your life and you have to live it.

Thanks all for so many suggestions...I realize that its a personal matter and I wanted to bare my heart out to fellow Nepalis to see their reaction. When things are so heated at home, you just want to hear outside prospective, and I am really thankful to all of you for taking time to respond. I know there will always be unanswered questions as this is not the complete story of my life...just a glimpse.

For now, here is what I have decided: I am gonna take a time out. Im not saying yes to my parents or no to my boyfriend, im just taking this time for myself to seriously think. I have seriously thought about this for last 3.5 years as I didnt wanna date anyone without the intention to marry later. That way both me and my bf are on the same page. But its been incredibly hard to think in clear head with opposition coming from all sides of my family. The main problem is his nationality, I have asked them many times if there is something else..and they say no. I do plan to marry my bf in near future but couldnt accept the proposal rightaway...I guess you can assume that if we have taken our relationship infront of our parents, we definitely intended to get married. It was just a bad moment..i think. Anyways, I know he loves me very much so I think he will wait for the right moment and ask me again.

We (family and me) decided we needed a break coz this is all we talk about. I sent them to a different city for a week and I am gonna use this time to mull over my next steps.


I will put a follow up post after something significant happens (engagement, break-up). Thanks again!


TM: which post are you referring to about me being prejudices? I dont remember the guy or his sis-in-law you are referring to but yes, captain haddock told me i was prejudiced coz i asked the owner of kathmandu spice restaurant how he came up with a statistics that said 99% of his customers were non-nepal. I was pointing out that both the times I was there..i saw almost half of the diners as nepali (by their looks and language)...and captain started saying that thats prejudice and racism. I was pointing out to him that identifying a nationality of a person is not being racist..if i say "oh you are not nepali? and you are eating here?' then yeah...but unfortunately, those feelings and word will never come out from me....and captain insisted that the discussion was for 'intellectual' reason..so, whatever!

Camoflaged: I will make sure that the wedding doesnt happen in Superbowl weekend, specially if Pats are gonna play....coz im 200% sure I will skip my own wedding to watch football, bad idea..lol. I will do it the weekend after the superbowl? :-)

that's a wise decision. take your time. who knows after a while you may bump into a nepali gentleman :P and then

"tujhe dekha to yeh jaana sanam
pyaar hota hai deewana sanam" :P

aap bhi khus, aapki ki maa bhi khusssssss :P

wish you luck!

LooTe

PS one of the reasons why i refrain myself from dating women of other countries.:P...i can't see my mom crying ke! :-(

Loote bhai,
Where have you been..haven't seen you around :)

fc*uk that shit , i dont have time to read all that.. why dont you tell your story to your brother.

Wear some nice clothes, go to a local bath and beauty- buy some nice soap and perfume. Go to Gnc and buy a bottle of horny goat weed. Call around your friend and get some weed. Go home, take a long bath. Mix like 20 horny goat weed in a fav dish he loves. Tell him to meet you up at a motel, and that you need to talk something very important. smoke weed together, not much though. tell him you miss him and blah blah blah... when he wants munchies , give him the dish with horny goat weed. give him a good head and good rear... and tell him tha tyou'll marry him....any guy would marry a girl at that point...

good luck..

have all the gorkay's son died is it? fall in love with dhoti.

this is the problem with nepali girls in usa. they fall for with some dhotis/pakis/bangla but not gorkay sons.

BIG DHOKA to our motherland.

Fact: Both Nepali guys and girls fall for people of some other natonality.
Bitter fact: You have to go through s#!t if you're to make it work.

Fact: Nepali girls are more easy going when it comes to letting go of the ties of tradition and religion, etc. any girls is in general
Bitter Fact: It hits them the hardest later on that they've lost it.

for example: in nepal, girls dont touch people's feet. In Indian culture they do. Just some minor things like these. You may or may not be affected.

Fact: Marry someone you love, not necessarily a Nepali. Nepali guys can be jerks too- makin their wives a second grade human in the house.
Bitter Fact: Not all nepali guys are like that. In fact, I'd like to claim that Nepali guys are one of the most stable when it comes to a relationship.

Fact: It's not a good idea to share your woes in sajha, especially when historically we've seen people ask questions like is he a nepali/gore?...how many times you've screwed?..etc etc..

Bitter Fact: a lot of bostonian people now know this and are circulting bad stuff about you (probably).

So...calm down,

...........cuz everything's gonna be allright....

one of my dear friends has that in her email.

just a shout out to her as well....whats up chetrini!!!!!!!

:P

Bostongirl -

When I first saw this thread, my heart went out to you and the least I thought I could do was stay out of it because I felt my presence and comments would not be wanted. I actually felt bad that we happened to have our somewhat heated conversation on the same day that you had so many other things going on. May be it was Hindu guilt but I did sincerely wish your circumstances were different - and I would have wished that even if we hadn't had our conversation.

I am commenting now for two reasons. The first, and less important of the reasons, is because my name came up in your response to TM and I can't honestly say I was at ease with what was said. While there is still a part of me that wants to opine on the subject, I have decided not to because that would defeat the purpose of why I chose to stay out and would undo the sense of closure I feel about this issue. I don't know about you, but this has become one beaten and dead horse and I have no interest in resuscitating it and spending another minute on it.

The other reason, the more important one, is to wish you the best. I wish there was something I could say or do that would make things better for you in your personal life. I don't think I am qualified in any way to analyze this situation or you, your boyfriend and your parents - perhaps you are the only one who is. But what I can say is I hope you find the strength to tide over this and also find the answers you are looking for and the peace you deserve.

I think it was Robert Schuller who said "Tough times don't last, but tough people do" and I'd like to leave that thought and my well wishes with you.

captain bud,
the way you have put forth ur opinion, even i can get some solace for boston girl. if i go through any kind of problem (god forbids :P), i am gonna knock on your door :-). i would want your insight and advice :P

oohi param mitra
LooTe

Thanks Captain Haddock! Although its been tough..I am way to strong to let these stuff ruin my life. Hoping for a better day :-)